Bigfoot Exorcist (2024)

 

Subject:  Bigfoot Exorcist

Year:  2024

Director:  Donald Farmer

Run Time:  about an hour, with another ten minutes added at the end

Cast:  Jessa Flux, Jocephus Brody, Dixie Gers

Genre:  bigfoots

Skin:  you saw who the star is, didn't you?

Blood:  they tried.  Not hard, but they tried

Rating:  2/5

The Story:

There's a Satanic cult in the woods trying to summon bigfoot - or something.  Joggers and various other victims find their way amongst the trees and are quickly eaten while the cult chants in the woods and some people nearby rent cabins.

Meanwhile a few nuns hang around a local graveyard and...pray to tombstones?  I guess they couldn't find a church that would let them film in it.  They're looking to get rid of demons, which is apparently what bigfoot is, though it is also kind of like a werewolf, spreading bigfootism through bites and scrapes.

I don't know.

Other than everybody being in the woods this one doesn't have much of a story.  People enter the woods, bigfoot is in the woods, people die.  Or get raped and end up with a Humanoids from the Deep-style delivery scene.

Though that's kind of an insult to the all-time classic Humanoids from the Deep.

Review:

I knew when the first girl was being chased through the woods in a red bra, and her chest was heaving to the rhythm of the music, what I was in for.  And I was happy.

Filmed for an alleged $2000 when a Kickstarter for $10,000 fell through, Bigfoot Exorcist is exactly what it says it is, while being nothing at all like what I was expecting.  Other than being a Farmer flick, which if you know, you unfortunately know.

Lots of shots of people wandering around in the woods, a few quick deaths with the patented "smear around the red syrup" gore, a Halloween costume (complete with very, very visible eye holes and back zipper) for the monster, and some folks who can't really act trying to act.  God bless 'em, one and all.

Obviously this isn't what anyone would consider a good movie, and how could it be on that budget?  It is an entertaining movie though, even just to laugh at, and the heart is in the right place.  Farmer was trying to make an actual movie here, and like usual he failed, but he was actually trying and that comes through.  A lot of these cheap flicks you can tell are just for a laugh, but this one comes off as genuine, which is both rare and endearing.

It doesn't make it a good movie though.

What does make it a good movie - at least in part - is the top billed star, Jessa Flux, who again gives her all (and shows her all) for a shoestring budget piece.  Her dedication to this sort of thing never ceases to impress me, and like usual she's easily the best part of the whole thing.  And I'm not just saying that because she goes full frontal.

Though that did help.  A lot.

What didn't help was Farmer padding the runtime by leaving his shots linger on bad special effects, people chanting (they say "Holy Satan" somewhere in the vicinity of 300 times), people walking, people just standing there, and some of the worst gore effects ever put to film.  Sure this padding added a minute or two to your movie, but if you hadn't lingered on the costume and lit it a little better it wouldn't have looked so bad.

Same deal with the intestines that a) were obviously plastic, b) had a string hanging from the end of them you could clearly see and, c) were nowhere near going into the immobile mouth on the bigfoot mask.

I did love the scene of both the nun and the bigfoot crying during the exorcism though.  That was fucking art.

Drop that padding and linger on the shower scene a little more, and you'd be in business.  Come on Donald, you've been around long enough to know that.  30 seconds of shower scene is much, much better than 30 seconds of close-ups on the Spirit Halloween mask and a the hard plastic internal organs.

If you dig this kind of thing and know what you're in for, you'll dig Bigfoot Exorcist.  If you just want to see Jessa show her naked body off (she's as hairless as the monster is hairy, if you know what I mean and I think you do), you'll dig bigfoot Exorcist.  If you want an actual movie with an actual plot and actual actors and actual special effects...well, you should know better by now.

I'm still calling this one a 2 out of 5.  I've seen a lot worse made with a lot more money.  Check it out.