Slashlorette Party (2020)

 Subject:  Slashlorette Party

Year:  2020

Director:  Paul Ragsdale

Run Time:  78 mins

Cast:  Molly Souza, Krystal Shay, Katee Hudson, Drew Marvick

Genre:  slasher/comedy

Skin:  a lot of teasing - until the strippers show up

Blood:  hell yeah

Rating:  3.5/5

The Story:

We've got one of the oldest and strongest slasher movie motifs on the go here, kids.  A group of young people head out to a cabin in the middle of nowhere to party and a masked maniac (or two...or three) show up to cockblock them and make them pay for something they really weren't responsible for to begin with.

It worked in 1980, it works in 2020.  If it ain't broke, don't fix it.  Or add jokes to it...

So, we have a couple getting married and all the boys and girls are headed out to party.  Strippers are on the way, liquor's flowing like water, and none of the women have pants that fit over their asses.  Ain't life grand?

As the night drags on and the bodies pile up we learn about secret lesbian love, abusive asshole boyfriends, psychiatric problems, chronic shyness, and the limits (or lack there of) of a mother's love.

Dummies head out to the woods.  Killers are in the woods.  A story as old as time.

Review:

What do you get when you cross Alice, Sweet Alice with Alone in the Dark (1982), tack on a bunch of Friday the 13th inspired kills, and top it off with a crazy pornstar?  A roundhouse kick to the jaw that'll rock your VCR into next week.  You also get Slashlorette Party - kind of.

Very, very obviously drawing inspiration from Old Man Voorhees and tacking on some trappings from other 1980s slasher flicks, this one goes old school at times and new school at others in a sickly sweet concoction that...kind of works.  I really dug the F13-inspired kills and setting, and I liked most of the cast, but again director Ragsdale falls back on comedy rather than going straight for the throat - which I really feel like he could have with this one.

And the twist ending(s) really weren't worth the few chuckles throughout.  Play it straight, just once, and see how it goes.  You've obviously got the skill to do so and can throw together strong cast after strong cast, so make a real horror movie and drop the limp jokes.

That's just my take though, your mileage will vary.

Jokes or not the kills are still pretty gnarly here, and we get some killer practical effects.  The cast and score are also strong, as is the setting (though I'd have liked to see some more action in the woods rather than just the one scene).  Who knew Ginger Lynn Allen was such a consistently good actress?  I'm beating a dead horse here, but it'd be nice to see her in non-comedy horror flick.  

And speaking of dead horses, I'm complaining again about Ragsdale teasing skin in these movies.  Over and over we have nudity teases and skimpy outfits with no payoff - it's like he's making movies for A-Pix back in the day.

Now that's a dated reference nobody will get.

Same old complaints aside, I think this is Ragsdale's best movie to date and shows his potential clearer than any of his other work.  A few tweaks and he could be producing some of the best modern retro slasher flicks out there.  A very solid 3.5 out of 5 despite the flaws, and well worth checking out.

Popeye 4: Resurrection (2026)

 

Subject:  Popeye Resurrection (Popeye 4)

Year:  2026

Director:  William Stead

Run Time:  hour or so

Cast:  Lara Sas, Steven Murphy

Genre:  murderous Popeyes and Olive Oils/evil cults

Skin:  had the chance, didn't take it

Blood:  you'd really think a crushed head would bleed, wouldn't you?

Rating:  1/5

The Story:

Killed somehow at the end of the last movie (I already forget how, but I think it was something to do with the serum or something), Popeye is no more and the heroine of the last two pictures has moved on to make a normal life for herself.  We're now some undisclosed amount of time removed from the previous films, so all is well.  Right?

Nah.

A cult is on the loose, lead by Popeye's sister Olive Oil, trying to bring the monster back from the dead.  In order to do that they need to take Cassie (Sas) back to what looks like the same damn field they're always in (with a cabin this time) so Popeye can sense her and come back  in a cloud of mist that, we can assume, smells like spinach.

This will be their final battle!  Maybe.  I can see them trying to drag another couple pictures out of this premise.

Review:

Suppose there was some sort of reason they rushed these all out at the same time?  The character is public domain, so it couldn't have been that, and there are already other killer Popeye movies on the go, so it couldn't be to try and corner that market.  My guess is after the first movie got some traction, they just filmed a ton of stuff, cut three movies out of it, and slapped them all on streaming services as quick as they could, likely to finance either more of the same or something similar.

I can't wait...

At least it isn't like back in the day, where I'd have to drop $20 a piece on DVDs to see each epic new installment.  I know I would have, and I had even less money back then.

I was kind of hopeful that this one was going to be a step in the right direction.  They got rid of a lot of the superhero stuff, with very little focus on the military angle this time out, and the addition of the cult at least makes this one stand out from parts two and three, which seem like one long bad movie cut in half.  There also seemed to be a jump in time and a removal from the same setting, so that was promising.  Or so I thought.

Unfortunately, this one ends up being more of the same.  Slightly different setup, little twist to the story and the addition of a few new characters, then we're right back in the field, killing people in bloodless ways, not showing any skin or gore or originality.  I should have known better.

While this one is marginally better than the last two, we still don't get much out of Popeye, just wasted opportunity and wasted time.  If this series is an attempt to match the much better (comparatively) Winnie the Pooh fairy tale horror series, it just isn't doing it.  Those movies keep getting better (again, comparatively), this one just rehashes the same stuff and neglects to add anything new or entertaining.

I'd like to see Lara Sas in something better than this series, as she's really the only standout in the movies.  Hopefully we get that sooner than later, and hopefully she's really done with Popeye this time.

I know I am.  Until the next one comes out.

1 out of 5.  I am what I am, and I'm sick of this crap.

Popeye 3: Requiem (2026)

 Subject:  Popeye Requiem (Popeye 3)

Year:  2026

Director:  William Stead

Run Time:  about an hour

Cast:  Lara Sas, Steven Murphy

Genre:  killer Popeyes

Skin:  can't afford that

Blood:  can't really afford that either

Rating:  0.5/5

The Story:

Remember the second movie, where we learned all about how Popeye and his sister Olive Oil (she's his sister?) were genetic freaks and part of some kind of miliary program gone awry?  Yeah, we get more of that.  Popeye breaks out of a military installation and is hunted down by soldiers.

The girl from the second movie is still around too, spreading her time between helping the soldier and running from the monster.  Towards the end we

Review:

It's hard to tell where the last movie ends and this one begins.  The same story, the same lead cast, the exact same locations.  It feels like one longer movie was broken into three parts and a little filler was shot to get them over the hour mark, making the whole thing blend together into a huge pile of nothing with a jaunty white cap sat on its angry little head.

Taking cue from the second movie, this one also backs way off on anything that might entertain the viewer.  Minimal gore effects, no nudity, reused locations, and a story that keeps on chugging out lore that I can't imagine anyone being that interested in.

Once again the two leads do a decent job, and there's an almost interesting moment at the end where someone else uses the super solider serum to fight Popeye, but it's too little, too late.  And I, for one, still don't give a good goddamn about how Popeye grew up, who his parents or siblings are, or how he ended up what he is.  Keep some of that in the shadows, bring on some fresh meat for the psycho, give them a bit of character, and let it go at that.

Worked all through the eighties, would still work today.  You can even keep the hat.

I didn't think you could get much worse than the second movie, but I'll be damned if they didn't manage it.  It feels generous to give this one a 0.5 out of 5, or to suggest anyone watch any of this series.  

I love the fact that we have a new wave of directors from the UK trying their hand at horror and old school, North American slashers, but there really needs to be some quality control on this stuff, some originality added, and a few less little kid characters being given the Slipknot overhaul.  It isn't enough to make a good movie, and you damn well know it, Stead.

Popeye's Return (2026)

 

Subject:  Popeye's Return  (Popeye 2)

Year:  2026

Director:  William Stead

Run Time:  a generous 70 mins

Cast:  Lara Sas, Steven Murphy

Genre:  murderous Popeyes

Skin:  flashback to the first movie count?  Other than that, one massive tease

Blood:  a little

Rating:  1/5

The Story:

Somewhere nearby (in the same damn field all four movies are set) the site of the first movie's bloodbath, Popeye breaks free from some sort of paramilitary thing and goes after a group of camp counselors (and one child) for...some reason.

Nowhere near the Friday the 13th setup you're thinking or we're promised, this one sees a small collection of young adults hunted by the killer in the field and surrounding woods while some military people hunt him.  There's a bit of work in explaining how he came to be what he is - some sort of super soldier experiment - though I doubt anyone came here for that.  

The story is fairly standard slasher fair with some uninteresting backstory thrown in.  Nothing to write home about, and honestly would have been far better served had they not gone with so much Popeye lore and built up the current events a bit more.

Review:

I feel like I'm one of the few people who honestly enjoyed the first movie.  It wasn't any classic, don't get me wrong, but it kept things simple and, for a modern slasher, wasn't that bad.  Would I recommend it?  To certain people, yeah - and not just for the novelty of it being a movie about a murderous Popeye.  This one though...not so much.

Usually when you get to a sequel - especially a horror or slasher movie sequel - you expect things to go up.  More boobs, more blood, more mayhem.  This one though, it seems like we're going backwards.  The old school feel of the first movie (it did have a little) is gone and we're left with what feels like a weekly episodic thing, more interested in telling a story nobody cares about than delivering the carnage the first movie (and the genre in general) promised.  The kills are watered down, what little atmosphere the first had is shot with over-explanation, there's no new nudity, and things just all around feel cheap, rushed, and rehashed.

Maybe that's why you don't do four movies in twelve months...

About the only good thing I can say for this one is the new female lead, Lara Sas, is pretty good.  The guy playing Popeye, Steven Murphy, isn't bad either, but they don't give him much to work with.  Both these actors deserve better and hopefully get it - just far away from William Stead.

For those interested in the lore behind the Popeye monster, this is your movie.  So are parts three and four.  For those looking for a slasher movie, not so much.  Dropping the ball on the few things that made the first movie watchable, this rushjob is probably best avoided.

The bad news?  There are two more.

Popeye's Revenge (2025)

 Subject:  Popeye's Revenge

Year:  2025

Director:  William Stead

Run Time:  78 mins or so

Cast:  Emily Mogilner, Connor Powles, Steven Murphy

Genre:  killer Popeyes

Skin:  twerkin' in a mine and some hot tub titties

Blood:  great gore - a lot more than I was expecting

Rating:  2.5/5

The Story:

Born deformed in a flashback, comic book scene, Popeye is a monster.  He's teased by children at school, forced to wear a silly outfit, can't get a date for prom, and eventually has to be locked in his parent's basement after he snaps.  While down there he meets a friend, Olive Oil I guess, through a door in the basement and they exchange drawings.  I guess this is important.

Anyway, the townsfolk pull a Freddy Krueger and light the house ablaze, killing Popeye's family and friend because the kid he attacked died.  I think.  Popeye escapes and takes off into the nearby woods, sinking into a lake as we fade to the current day.

Pretty good backstory for a slasher character.  Enough for me, anyway.

It's now 2025 and a group of young people are nearby, just waiting to get killed as they rebuild the old Popeye house into England's newest and best haunted house attraction.  You can probably guess where things go from there.

Review:

I have to admit, I'm kind of enjoying this new influx of wannabe grindhouse and slasher flicks that has exploded in the UK since so many of these old children's characters have become free use.  They aren't great, most of them not even close, but at least the creators (and the ITN company, which seems to be behind a lot of them) seem to be  trying to do things the right way.  Simple enough stories (most ripped off from early American slashers), blood, tits, and a load of dummies too stupid to stay the hell away from Crystal Lake...er, wherever it is this takes place.

You'll forgive me for being confused, they did use the Friday the 13th font for their title screen.  Plus the whole "he drowned in the lake fifteen year ago" thing...

Fortunately for Popeye's Revenge, the creators take more than just title card and story inspiration from ol' Jason.  We get some awesome kills - including a gnarly severed arm impaling, a ripped out spine, an anchor to the dick, and a ripped off head (though last three all on the same dude).  There's even an ode to Fulci with a slow splinter to the eye.  The fog effect that follows the monster around is also cool, and gives him more of a supernatural feel than he'd otherwise have.

Things aren't all spinach though, and there's as much bad as good in this one.  The lack of budget definitely shows in some of the kills and the story doesn't really break any new ground.  There's also the problem that the Popeye character doesn't really lend itself to horror that well.  Yeah, I get that he's your gimmick and the name is being used because it is so out of place in a horror movie, but in practice it just isn't that good.  They also show the character within the first ten minutes and that pretty much kills the novelty.

Popeye's Revenge is still a strong outing for director William Stead though.  We have some decent looking girls, a little skin, a little blood, a few good gore effects, and Steven Murphy doing his damndest to make Popeye a member of the Voorhees clan.  An easy 2.5 out of 5.  Not any kind of a classic, but a step in the right direction for old school slasher flick.